child services

So I left work early to pick up my daughter, and then we went grocery shopping and got her all kinds of favorite treats. I did all the things a good mom does, and then we got home to find a business card on the front door. It was from a children's social worker from the Dept of Family & Child Services, and on the back was a note saying she needed to see me and my child and to call her with a number where she could contact me next week.

What the fuck?? My first suspicion is of course that it's Howard, trying to get back at me for filing a complaint with the contractors' board and for signing a declaration for his wife who is trying to get two years of past due child support. I can't imagine who else it would be, unless they are investigating someone who I know and need to question us about them. Which doesn't seem likely. If it's Howard I am seething with anger. I don't like that feeling. The contractors' board closed my complaint because he bs'd them enough, and that's just fine. I've moved on - I did what I could and now it's done. He's got my money and by this time I've repaired most of the crappy-ass work he did on my home. The crappy-ass work he did on my psyche has pretty much healed as well. But this...this is a new low. It sickens me. I know any investigation will reveal only that Sophia is surrounded by love and kindess, so I'm not worried about it. But I'm horrified that someone could be so mean and spiteful as to call child services on me. And if it is Howard, I'm astounded that he was a good enough con that I actually fell in love with such a despicable, evil person. And...I'm very disturbed that I feel such anger toward him. God, I just really want to be a loving, compassionate woman. I am trying to do some compassion meditation, to feel sorrow for him since he must have such a tremendous amount of self-hatred to do such a thing. I picture him trying to look at himself in the mirror and like himself. But on the other hand I know that he is a sociopath and feels no remorse for any of his wrongdoings. He has no idea he is in the wrong, ever. So...how do I look at a sociopath with compassion? Can one have compassion for a remorseless killer or rapist?

And what could he have told them for them to come investigate? ugh. I am sickened by this. And of course I do not know for sure that it was him who initiated this. And there is nothing that I can do about it if it is him. I hate him, and I don't want to feel hatred for any living thing. I want every bit of him gone from my life so that I can move on, yet somehow he keeps just stepping back in.

And if it is not him...well, then it's me that's filled with hatred and evil, isn't it!? shit...

and apparently I won't know till next week, if ever, which is most annoying. I would sure like to think that I'm not the hateful evil one! :>