Every year I write something so similar, and I feel like I should come up with something new and different, but the bottom line is...I miss my mom.
She would have been 71 yesterday, and today is mother's day and so every mother's day is very bitter-sweet for me. On the one hand I have my sweet Sophia, who brings me endless joy and her birth saved my life. On the other hand I lost my mom almost 13 years ago and I miss her every single breath of time.
After watching her die in a hot, sad, horrid clinic in Tijuana, I started my downward spiral, ending up 4 years later as a homeless felon crack-head. Then rehab; then 2 weeks out of rehab I conceived sweet Sophia and here I am today in my beautiful home surrounded by love and joy. So why do the tears come on mother's day morning?? When the AA meeting's over today and the people go off to have lunch with their mothers or their wives, I will take Sophia to brunch, just the two of us. And that's so lovely, really. But I'm sad and envious when I talk to my best friend and hear that her husband brought her breakfast in bed and I hear her baby in the background and I know that she will visit her mom in just a few hours and the three generations will love and laugh for just a little while.
I have a picture in my head of Sophia and my mom, hand-in-hand, skipping through a forest as mom teaches her all about nature and Sophia teaches her the newest songs and they share joy and wonderment. At least that's a better picture than I have carried for so many years, of my mother's dead body being wheeled through the early Tijuana morning wrapped in sheets. I just wish the imaginary picture could be reality.
