I have really weird dreams. Last night there was a giant dinosaur fighting with a giant crocodile, which, it turned out, was threatening the dinosaur’s baby…who was also quite giant, yet very cute.
Now I’m no dummy and don’t need Freud to tell me that this war of giants is my little head worrying over the meeting yesterday between Soph’s dad and me at the therapist. Though I am a bit annoyed that my subconscious is defining me as a dinosaur.
Weird as shit to see the man who fathered my child. He is such an odd egg. Anyway, I guess it all went well, though we still have no firm plans of how he will meet her, but we’re much closer. I guess my dream surprised me because I felt that he seemed like he really had her best interests at heart and that he really wants to be sure he doesn’t hurt her by vanishing again. But of course words are just that…they are not actions, and I’ve learned the hard way that most words that come out of people’s mouths have no fucking basis in reality.
She’s been saying lately that she doesn’t ever want to meet her daddy. I know it’s a defense mechanism, but still I worry that I’m totally doing the wrong thing. And it’s so strange…so many people I speak with now have never met the fathers. What the fuck? My trainer, a lawyer I’m negotiating a deal with, two or three of the babysitters I use…lots of folk have not met their dads and they mostly carry around a big huge ball of hatred and resentment. So…that is not what I want for my sweet Sophia. But I don’t want her to be hurt by him either, to have expectations shattered. She thinks he is a rock star but he’s really just a drummer who tours in bar-bands and does some studio work and is poor as shit. Her dreams of riding in a limo with Daddy to one of his shows are sooooo not going to happen. This is no Disney Channel movie, sadly enough.
Now I’m no dummy and don’t need Freud to tell me that this war of giants is my little head worrying over the meeting yesterday between Soph’s dad and me at the therapist. Though I am a bit annoyed that my subconscious is defining me as a dinosaur.
Weird as shit to see the man who fathered my child. He is such an odd egg. Anyway, I guess it all went well, though we still have no firm plans of how he will meet her, but we’re much closer. I guess my dream surprised me because I felt that he seemed like he really had her best interests at heart and that he really wants to be sure he doesn’t hurt her by vanishing again. But of course words are just that…they are not actions, and I’ve learned the hard way that most words that come out of people’s mouths have no fucking basis in reality.
She’s been saying lately that she doesn’t ever want to meet her daddy. I know it’s a defense mechanism, but still I worry that I’m totally doing the wrong thing. And it’s so strange…so many people I speak with now have never met the fathers. What the fuck? My trainer, a lawyer I’m negotiating a deal with, two or three of the babysitters I use…lots of folk have not met their dads and they mostly carry around a big huge ball of hatred and resentment. So…that is not what I want for my sweet Sophia. But I don’t want her to be hurt by him either, to have expectations shattered. She thinks he is a rock star but he’s really just a drummer who tours in bar-bands and does some studio work and is poor as shit. Her dreams of riding in a limo with Daddy to one of his shows are sooooo not going to happen. This is no Disney Channel movie, sadly enough.
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