inhumanity / humanity

I closed my myspace page when things got freaky with Howard and I was scared of stalkers. But I miss writing and my computer keeps getting stolen and so I lose my journals, so...a blog is in cyberspace, not on a hard drive, and no one needs to break my window to read it.

Last April was 8 years sober and then...somehow an emotional rollercoaster slammed into my world. Bought a beautiful new home...but Howard took all my dough and left me with shoddy construction and a shattered heart and mutilated pride...a couple of surgeries...friends who have done amazing things to make me feel safe and loved...three break-ins (say bye-bye to the dvd player, the 42" plasma, three computers, 2 digital cameras. Not to mention the writing and the emails and the pix of my sweet Sophia singing her heart out at the holiday show and Christmas morning and moments with the folks I love.)...started two great jobs this year...this new one now is amazing! Oh my gosh, I'm VP of Biz Affairs, who'd have thought!?! Imagine that 9 years ago??!!! ha.

Soph's filled with terror to be in our home, and I'm stubborn and won't admit defeat. "We only accept love." But how can I keep teaching her that hatred ceases through love, when there is so much evil trying to upset our little love-bubble??

She holds me hand all night as she sleeps, and I want to take her fear away but truth be told I feel it too. I'm done. Howard continues to hurt people despite the charges being brought against him. Someone keeps violating our home despite the alarms and police reports. I had too much trust and now I have pretty close to none.

Yet there are others who've entered (or simply stayed in) my world and who keep my faith in humanity strong, who hold me (even over miles) and whom I know will never let me fall. And so...

...so life is grand and lovely and precious and beautiful and right now I'm in my office (ha!) and looking out the window to the crisp clearness, WeHo traffic starting up this Friday afternoon and my assistant (ha!!) just left and I'm about to go too, spend time at the school and hug my straight-A girl and go home to our wonderful home that is filled with love and where we do not accept evil, only love.